2016 coming back

 It took me so long to realize that I missed my blog. Actually I missed my writing, I guess. Why I stopped to write? I didn't (and still don't) have confidence in my English, still not sure I express myself right, because if the language is not your natural one, you don't really get the depth of it...
That what happened. After each post I felt embarrassed and vulnerable and....
    Ok, now I think if I continued and was patient enough I would have had my English improved...
Oh, well, I pick up from where I left...

Are We Imported? Is Canada our Home?

      How about that? No pictures, just some observations. Or pictures in words about everyday life.

      Sunday, still morning.Grocery store. Crowded. People do major shopping for the week, so there are many couples doing this chore together. My husband is pushing a cart, adding staff on his way - most of it bulk, of course. I am adding little things, that are not on the list (you know how it works: men shop strictly by the list previously made, we make the list not to FORGET to buy what we really need...). So walking around, checking the prices and reading the labels,I run into a woman who is lifting a heavy case of water bottles.  I feel sorry because she makes a real effort to lift it and to carry it to her cart. What  I see next, shocks me. Her husband is holding the handle of the cart with one hand and a cup of coffee with the other, sipping it from time to time, and watching his woman to squeeze that stack to the lower part of the cart. Our eyes meet,  my feelings are all over my face - he doesn't blink, it is a normal thing for him.
       Yes, they are from a different world - her clothes gives it away. We lived in that world for quite a few years. To see things like that was normal for me, because I was a visitor there, I accepted and respected their culture. It was interesting for me to see that a woman walks way behind her husband as if she has nothing to do with him, when he carries a baby and has other children around him. If there should be a line up, there would be two lines up - men separate from women, and there will be 4 men served before a woman. If you are in a shop with your husband or sun, it doesn't matter what you are buying, the owner is not looking at you, he is talking to your husband...I talked to men who had 2 - 3 wives and were proud of their family,openly saying, that they were interested to get another wife.... It was there, it was new, it was interesting.
          Seeing all this today made me think. Is Canada a home for all of us here? Or it is just a safe place to live, a "country with great opportunities"? Writing all this I don't mean to insult those who think it is their home. I am trying to hope,that  it is a home  for me as well. But I cannot help it, I have habit of thinking. And thank you to Canada, that I can freely express my thoughts.
          So, is it really a home? To feel safe and protected we need roof and walls. But it is not home yet. The spirit in it makes it home. Common traditions, habits, culture, values, etc. All this multiplied by millions makes a nation. So who are we? What is Canada for us - so much different, preserving our own traditions and values, following our own culture and believes?( I don't think I can compare all of us, so different, living in Canada, to different kids adopted by Madonna or Brandolina ? I hope, it's not only a roof and walls that those kids have, but a family and a home. )
 Do we think about Canada as our Home when we pray together :God, keep our Land glorious and free? Our Gods are different and some say it even should be removed from the prayer... A lot of us , being "proud Canadians", don't know the language, don't learn it, don't care. And there are  others too...
So here's another story for you.
      The store phone rings. A sales associate politely answers the way it should be, saying at the end a common "how may I help you". The voice on the other end asks : "Are you a white Canadian or imported?" To the question how it might be related to the shoes, the lady answers that it is very important for her... And may be it is. The lady happened to be a customer that liked to shop in another location. We all happened to be "imported " Canadians. We  got upset and put an alert on her account that she was a racist..
     I mentioned this  (and I could give you other examples of customers who give a friendly advice to get rid of "your stupid accent", or forget about where you are from and be happy with what you have...), because I think these people probably think of Canada as their home and don't want the strangers in it. I don't blame them. They are honest, they are not politicians. They don't believe that by sending troops to another country is possible to liberate the women from closing their faces, and to give them freedom to choose a husband... They don't want us change their tradition. They want Christmas tree and Merry Christmas... They probably don't believe that Canada is the Home for us all . All.
      That makes us think,doesn't it?   

Autumn, Fall And Simply Wonderful Day

         From my previous post you found out that Autumn (I love this word better, sorry) is back to Canada. Till Thanksgiving  we kind of keep hoping that the summer is not done yet,  and the " Jingle bells" is too far away.As soon as we finish enjoing the taste of turkey all happens very fast - Halloween, White Christmas, Happy New Year... Or rain, wind, windchill, snow, snow, snow... Or flue shot, and then  cold, flue, cold, flue, cold, flue...  Now you understand why everyone, and I mean EVERYONE , was embracing the nice weather we were granted last weekend. 

         Me and my husband ended up in Rouge River Park. Not because it is the largest urban park in North America and one of few left untouched since arrival of the Europeans; not because it is a totally local river (it's source is Oak Ridges Moraine which is in Richmond Hill, it's length is 250 km, and the mouth is in Scarborough , Lake Ontario)  - it's just one bus fare away from the place we live. Another reason - an excellent weather to be outside and to take pictures, to enjoy the nature and to watch people. We had it all. In full.  Enjoy the pictures!  ( Click to view it larger and don't be shy to leave a comment. Thank you.)



By the way, in Iroquois the name of the river is Katabokokonk





Waiting for a Big Fish or Red Sails?








  Who thinks it was easy? Self-portrait.

Don River, Salmon and a Beautiful Fall in Toronto

       What? You didn't expect me to show up again? Surprise!  Sorry, though, if you kept checking and I was not there. Anyways, I am going to treat you with my new shots, that were taken recently.... at the same spot - Don Valley. To be precise - Don Valley Park Way and Lawrence Avenue, Toronto.

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, because I would like to go and to see (read: take pictures of) new places or even back to the places I used to visit in my pre-immigrant life - Iran, Iraq, Europe and some great places of the deceased Soviet Union... But we have to be grateful for what we have. And I am , totally. So, being horseless, I walk. Being cheap, I don't go far. It's my challenge to see new in old places. Isn't it suppose to develop our capability to SEE? So I try.

      It was a gorgeous day of October! Warm, sunny, and a day off! Being waken up by an early call of some inconsiderate clerk from Roger's, I decided to take my camera (and a new lens) for a walk. I believed, for sure that the clerk had a hidden mission. And it was true. I ended up at the same corner of  Don River, enjoying the most wonderful combination created by  the Nature - trees and water . This time there was something different - I kept hearing different splashes. When I saw what was causing it , I realised, that I am going fishing today. With my camera instead of a fishing rod. To my amazement, I saw jumping fish, huge, going against the stream and trying to get over the little man made rapids, about  1 meter over the water. As our school taught us something, I realized that it was Salmon, going to the destination it was programmed to reach no matter what. I had no idea that our narrow, totally polluted Don River was their rout . I felt sorry, but it was a great feeling to be present and to watch the work of the greatest computer - the Nature! 

     I came home and Googled : Salmon, Don River, Toronto.I read a few articles and found out that it is not recommended to eat that salmon, because it becomes totally poisoned while staying in our Don River. And why I am not surprised? See my post in this blog "Toronto Ugly". Isn't it a shame?

Gay Parade - a Pride or a Zoo?

     It's been 2 month since my last post. You would think that I might have had nothing to say. Wrong. Too much. So much, that I couldn't handle it. Let me start from the beginning.
      Finally it happened.  For the first time since I am in Canada I finally visited Gay Parade. After that I had sooo much to say and to show, that I had to let myself calm down a bit. I was afraid that I won't be able to find right words (second language after all!), and some people might get upset. Then I was looking through the papers and found out that all journalists were afraid of the same thing . I learned that it's not a good thing to talk negative about  Gay Parade  if we are proud Canadians. We all worked very hard to let this day  happen, and now it happens every year right after Canada Day - probably to show how important this day is for us.  Ok, ok, I am a bit sarcastic. And it is not because I am  against people with different sex orientation  - someone's sex life never botherd me. Those ones, that I met in my life, were all nice people and deserve to be happy, as all others.
      I am hurt - that' s what makes me sarcastic. I am hurt by Gay Parade organizers, some (SOME!) participants and by the City Authorities. I am hurt, because I was PROUD to be one of those open minded torontonians who could be " gay for a day", cheering, sharing their dignity, their coming-out- of- box day, their moment of accepting themselves the way they were, their Pride. I had a pin on my chest "Proud to be here" and was taking pictures of wonderful costumes, beautiful smiles and of cheering crowd. I felt really proud of a group from Iran walking here, in Toronto, with the signs " They kill gays in Iran". It was the only group that was accompanied by a number of police for protection.
      It was a hot day, but the crowd was big.
      And then they came! Very proud naked men and women. Enjoying their nudity!  Mostly in their fifties.One could easily say that their life was not easy at all  - all their muscles were down, bodies ugly, and they had nothing to show that they could be proud of (at least I didn't see anything). .What were they  fighting for?   For their right to put pants down any time they wanted? Showing off their drooping ...mm .. everything, they wanted to find respect and dignity? I felt disgusted, sick and hurt. (Imagine, I was looking at these drooping parts through the tele lens!!! And I was not alone their - you can trust me on this!). After all this spectacle the crowd became quiet, lost - the atmospfhere became different. Nobody remembered any more about that group from Iran, about real meaning of the parade, about those straight people,who were walking shoulder to shoulder with their friends, relatives to show their support. Nobody remembered any more about proud mom, and shy policeman... Appearance of Jack Layton and Mrs. Green Party didn't help. See, understanding that they were just politicions, supporting the rights of gays and lesbians to live normal life, didn't help. They were part of governing elite, they were supposed to know who they were going to walk with and what to support.
     Do you know what really made me angry? Our cheap politicians and city people! Now I know that they care only about their momentum, nothing else. These naked men with their ugly everything were walking  Downtown all evening till late night (most of them totally drunk).
Why? WHY? W H Y?  What were they celebrating? Who allowed them to be naked in public? I won't tell for everybody, but I am traumatised by what I saw. And I am really hurt , that a good thing like fighting for  rights to live human life can be hijacked by some politicians who are hoping  to buy cheap votes! Now it's clear that the gays and lesbians of  Canada have something else to fight for - for the good name of their Pride. Next parade will have less supporters - I won't be there. I am afraid it might come to the point that people will start going to the parade not to show their solidarity, but to visit a Zoo....

How to do detox and what it has to do with photography....

   .....It is not bad to want, but it is toxic to want and to not allow yourself to do anything about it. Wants fester and then you want them more but, handcuffed by desire, you may find yourself unable to do anything about it....

          It's not my thought, of course. But it makes one think, isn't it? It absolutely agrees with the law of attraction - you cannot just sit and want, you have to make it happen (even if you have to fake it).
          I agree that it is toxic not to allow oneself to do anything about it. It 's just debatable, why not to allow.Is it just being lazy or the desire is wrong? Or too strong and not reasonable?

 The main idea is that it is toxic. But what is the solution in this case? Stop to want? Has anybody succeeded in it? Just saying "I don't want it anymore"? One should be really strong to do it . Even if it is a desire to have a piece of cake. I respect people with strong will.. But it is just being strong and to do something vs not to do anything.. What about the desire? Does it go away? It would be good to have it die slowly.... I think, it doesn't. That's why there are so many overweight people - they do, they do, and then desire wins....they go to the fridge and eat that cake. After that it becomes more difficult to stop that desire. And that's why you become handcuffed... and suffer....

       Solution? I am not very good at finding one, but I know that developing new interests helps. It doesn't matter what kind of new interest - meeting new people or diving into a new adventure, finding a hobby...All this distracts and hopefully brings peace. It's always good to look deep into ourselves and face the problem,to admit it's wrong and may be do smth. stupid, that will ring the bell and wake  up to a better tomorrow. It will be painful or not pleasant, but relieving.... It's just my thought. My hobby (photography, sure) helps me to deal with a lot of things, including worries, fears...And believe me, I am very skillful in worries about everything. It was killing me.... I think it is kind of national feature of the Soviet descendant (It is still alive all over that territory even after the collapse of the state). People from there cannot feel happy.They have no skills. We received a good education,read tones of great books , but were never taught to count our blessings.We could not smile. I remember how hard it was for me - to smile... And to feel good and happy - not because of money, house or good deal - just because it's nice weather and the sky is blue (or it rains - good for a change too). I have changed. And feel uncomfortable when I go home - they are so serious there, with a lot of problems, worries, etc.  And I have non! I wish of course, but  the problems are to be solved , not to be unhappy....
     Going back to our desires...  Some of them are toxic and hold us back. Understanding that should bring a solution. Even if it should be a surgery ...sorry....

     I thought I won't be able to connect my pictures to these my thoughts. And now I see that I can. I spent today very many hours trying to make my macro lens to do what I want it to do....Do you think I worried about anything while doing that ? My only desire was to get that picture.... It was driving me crazy... But I got some results... (continue reading, it's not the end yet....)